Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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