you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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