im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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