like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
