it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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