If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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