You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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