I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
