I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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