it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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