I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
