even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
