my phone needs a breathalizer
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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