Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
