I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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