You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My penis needs a shock collar
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
