Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
