I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
