I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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