just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize