you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
