Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
