No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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