Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
