he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
