WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
