Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
