yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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