i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
