How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
