I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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