is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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