Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
