Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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