Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
