the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
