He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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