dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My first STD was from a foam party
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You were trust falling into bushes
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