Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
