I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize