i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
