Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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