So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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