I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My liver just had a heart attack.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
