i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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