and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
