i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
