She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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