He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
either way he was missing a nipple.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
