I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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