And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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