Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
