Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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