it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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