so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
