nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
