So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
