She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize