goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
