I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
