absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
