I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
