Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
