We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
